scratchpaper

i found out my grandpa passed away on christmas day at about 10 pm - just less than 8 hours after visiting him that afternoon. i was shocked by how fast it had all come, and literally numb to feeling or processing anything. thankfully, i was in norcal with my sister, brother-in-law, and gorgeous niece and was distracted for a bit. it hit me when i laid in bed trying to fall asleep, and hardest today.

brent took me to watch new year’s eve, a sappy chick flick that i have been wanting to see for a few weeks now. i was in the mood for a light hearted feel-good movie, yet it triggered those buried feelings and made me bawl uncontrollably for my grandpa. what kills me the most is that i’m 500+ miles away from giving my mom a hug and comforting her when she needs it most. 

drained after the movie, brent without word, drove me to the bart station and bought us two tickets without telling me where we were going or what we were doing. 30 minutes later, we were in union square looking up at the giant macy’s christmas tree. the impromptu trip completely took my mind off everything and brought me back to what is most important at christmas - celebrating love, life, and the many things i have to be thankful for. though my grandpa passed on christmas day, i got to spend the majority of it with him, my aunties, uncle, and cousins. and though this holiday season wasn’t particularly eventful, i am blessed to have spent it with the people i love and the people that inspire me on a daily basis. so instead of being sad, i choose to celebrate the life my grandpa led and find comfort that he is now in a better place with my grandma. <3